When you spill a beer at happy hour, which you are only attending so you can flaunt your name tag and gloat about how Senator X came in and brushed your desk on his way to his office, be a decent human being and ask someone to grab a mop. Or, really go nuts and grab a napkin yourself.
Also, if you drop a glass and it shatters everywhere, SAY SOMETHING. Don't just let your fellow SI's in their commuter flip flops shuffle through it. So what if the waitress glares at you? You're the alcoholic who broke the glass!
Understand that everyone is mocking you. Yes, you. If you notice that a bouncer is standing near you, it means you are a drunk whore and he is waiting for you to either puke, throw a punch, or ask a friend to let you "just lean on them and let you close your eyes for a second" at which time he will derive pleasure from throwing you out.
When the waitress "accidentally" brings your food last, or forgets that side of ranch you wanted, it's because you are a douche bag and don't deserve nice things.
When the waitress clears away your pyramid of Natty cans that you and your friends are giggling about, it's not because she has to, it's because she wants to hear you whine and steal a small part of your fun because you suck her soul every night.
When the bar tender dances with you, it's not because he likes you, it's because you suck at dancing and his co-workers need a good laugh.
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1 comment:
well, I guess when you attened East Bumblefuck University and have never had an internship or even been in an office other than Daddy's, the idea of the "happy hour" may be a bit confusing.
For most people, drinking at 6pm on your company's tab while still dressed in business apparel doesnt scream "SLOP FEST!", but clearly interns get confused. While getting sloppy with their boss standing 2.7 ft away may cost an SI their job, it sure as hell entertains the normal YPS who attend happy hours!
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